Posted 2014-10-24T05:55:22+02:00
Go fuck yourself is easily the most solid piece of advice that I can give you.

Posted 2014-10-24T05:54:09+02:00
It's getting harder and harder to tell Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife apart.

Posted 2014-10-24T05:53:46+02:00
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.

Posted 2014-10-24T05:49:29+02:00
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a blowjob each time you act crazy, he'll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.

Posted 2014-10-24T05:47:02+02:00
Making fun of dinosaurs to a paleontologist is a great way to get jurasskicked

Posted 2014-10-24T05:36:15+02:00
My legs are so white they just baked a batch of kale chips.

Posted 2014-10-24T05:32:54+02:00
Isn't it weird that after 30,000 years of eating bread, everyone is gluten allergic now?

Comment by Anonymous

made up allergy to sell more product and only proves that society has gotten dumber and dumber...

Posted 2014-10-24T05:26:59+02:00
I'm not mad that the Ebola guy went to the Highline, jogged 3 miles, and bowled w/ friends. I'm jealous that he leads a more fulfilling life

Posted 2014-10-24T05:25:32+02:00
Relationships are like health insurance: all your preexisting conditions start coming out AFTER you've been approved

Posted 2014-10-24T05:18:03+02:00
Here's a joke about ebola, you probably won't get it though.

Posted 2014-10-23T18:22:30+02:00
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait

Posted 2014-10-23T01:38:41+02:00
How many bad decisions are you gonna make until I become one?

Posted 2014-10-23T01:35:02+02:00
In my defense your honor, he said prolly.

Posted 2014-10-23T01:32:43+02:00
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.

Posted 2014-10-23T01:29:46+02:00
First the mixed tapes disappear and now it seems women don't appreciate dick pics. It's like we have no more romantic weapons left.

Posted 2014-10-23T01:28:41+02:00
It's only gambling if you're losing.

Posted 2014-10-23T01:28:13+02:00
To find your prince you need to kiss a few frogs not sleep with the whole pond.

Posted 2014-10-23T01:23:05+02:00
Can't stop drinking about you

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-23T01:21:15+02:00
When prostitutes go on strike they really don't give a fuck.

Posted 2014-10-23T01:20:57+02:00
Never, ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.


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