Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Don't worry about the grass on the other side.
It's not your grass.
Politics is just unhappy people shouting at each other.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon.
I don't know where I belong.
Damn, girl, are you Terms and Conditions? Because I just want to blindly agree to whatever you say.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt was shot dead by police in downtown Los Angeles, today. He was wanted for multiple counts of identity theft.
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion is like what the hell am i doing here I'm a savanna animal
Palin interviewing Trump tonight? At least he can tell her where Russia is since that's where he orders his wives from
No thanks, public transportation. If I'm going to catch an STD, I'm catching it the old fashioned way.
Some girls post the most depressing love shit that even I'm starting to miss their ex!!!
People say 'hate' is such a strong word, yet they throw around 'love' like it's nothing
Plot twist: He only puts in the tip as promised.
I can't remember who I was or how my life became such a mess either, so I get it, Jason Bourne, I get it.
When you're married, the "Walk of Shame" is shuffling to the hall closet with your pants around your ankles to get more toilet paper.
The stock market dropping sets back my retirement plans another 100 years
In the future, time on earth will be marked off by Spider-Man reboots, Transformer sequels, and Comedy Central Roasts.
I'm really sick of underwear and responsibility
It's not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
Netflix should offer a big-spinning-wheel to help couples choose a movie to watch.
I like to fuck it up for all the other parents by letting my kids do the exact thing they are yelling at their kids to stop doing.
So who the fuck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
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