Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
My coworker is pregnant and they passed a card around and I didn't know what to write so I just put HAVE A GOOD BABY TANYA
Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
If you told me 10 yrs ago that I would be 20 with ZERO chinese stars, nunchuks or ninja swords in my house I would've kicked your ass.
Who in the fuck thought up the Tooth Fairy?
Starting to think the "walls" you have around you were built by the terrified villagers to keep you in.
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
I was gonna go out today but then I sat down. Gravity's a bitch.
I have a conflict of no interest
My life is currently buffering
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
People who can do a cartwheel calm the fuck down
Don't waste good booze on bad memories
Washing my entire car with a squeegee at the gas pump
Summary of what happened today. The Supreme Court legalized gay marriage and Disneyland banned selfie sticks.
Today the Supreme Court foiled many gay men's plans to never have to "wife up" their significant other.
Gay people can get married now? What's next, a decent country?
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Everything I know about history I learned from watching Forrest Gump.
Total Number of Statuses:26684
The Home of Funny Facebook Status Updates Looking for a funny Facebook status or a funny tweet? We have the funniest collection of status updates from all over the interwebs. Share your funny statuses anonymously or login to save your favorites. The world needs more funny Facebook Statuses
Facebook Addict Intervention Parody