Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
It's funny how "You're so funny" turns into "You think everything's a fucking joke" in just 3 months...
I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
Horoscopes: When you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
If a guy's "junk" is his genitals, and a "trunk" is an ass, then isn't "junk in the trunk" getting fucked in the ass?
Slang is confusing.
Know why girls cross their arms when they're angry?
Just a little reminder of who's in charge around here.
Hey babe, are you a movie sequel? Cause you're probably disappointing & I'll tell my friends I'm not gonna see you but I still will secretly
Don't half ass anything. Fuck it up all the way.
Life is like a box of chocolates; an emotional chick can destroy one in under 5 minutes.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone.
I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
I wonder how many babies were born because of Fireball shots.
What if I told you I could literally cut your phone bill in HALF with an exciting new product called scissors
Obama told me I can't wheel my gatling gun into Panera Bread. He's destroying what was once a great country
Don't put your implications, based on your misinterpretations, of my thoughts, changing what I said, and what I meant, to what you inferred.
Be stronger than your excuses.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
If you didn't want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn't have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Are you tired of not getting insulted before you fully open your eyes and brush your teeth, introducing - The Internet!
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