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Posted 2014-07-29T03:08:47+02:00
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Except women are emotionally driven so answers may vary depending on her mood.

Posted 2014-07-29T03:07:08+02:00
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

"I've read this..." -Me, after every post on SS.

Posted 2014-07-29T02:34:09+02:00
I'm only gunna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Im sure you'll be drinking that sixer for several hours too...

Posted 2014-07-29T02:33:29+02:00
McMuffin isn't just a sandwich to me, its an emotion

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

It's not just a sandwich, it's an addiction too!

Comment by Anonymous

It sure isn't food.

Posted 2014-07-29T02:30:40+02:00
WARNING: Objects in relationships appear happier than they are.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-07-29T02:23:40+02:00
If you watch Beauty and the Beast backwards its about how falling in love will turn you into a monster.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-07-29T02:23:17+02:00
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what's going on and there's a lot of wine drinking.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

And maybe you can die in the next episode.

Posted 2014-07-29T02:15:35+02:00
Tupac has been dead for 18 years and still makes albums and you can't text me back?

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Wow, this one took a lot longer to get from Twitter to SS... I'm surprised.

Posted 2014-07-29T02:09:32+02:00
Women are like BLAH BLAH BLAH and men are all like BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS! And eating food happens and that's relationships.

Fail(2)
Posted 2014-07-29T01:50:00+02:00
This may be the hardest anyone has ever fought to not get two billion dollars

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-07-28T21:49:42+02:00
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.

Fail(2)
Posted 2014-07-28T21:47:17+02:00
"You know what I think they should do in Gaza?" tweeted the man half a world away from the safety and comfort of his reclining chair.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Right.............and being an admin on a status site makes one so much more qualified about such things.

Comment by Anonymous

You think he used proper grammar when he posted his tweet or do you think he's a fuckin' retard like you?

Posted 2014-07-28T21:46:47+02:00
I Don't Wanna: The Beginner's Guide to Mondays

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Page Two: "Strangle self with dad's old necktie."

Posted 2014-07-28T21:45:13+02:00
When my grandchildren ask what I did to save the world, I'll be like, "I saved a b every time I spelled babe as bae, you ungrateful fuck."

Fail(4)
Comment by Anonymous

If you talk to others the way you plan on talking to your grandchildren......well, good luck with that

Comment by Anonymous

I love this. But I think bae is an abbreviation for before anyone else.

Comment by Anonymous

That is the stupidest one EVER

Comment by Anonymous

You'd have to find someone to fuck you before you can have grandchildren... then there's the whole finding someone to fuck your stupid child/children too... good luck, dumb ass.

Posted 2014-07-28T21:40:49+02:00
Hell is an enormous mall with no stores and infinite kiosks.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Hell is Rosie O'Donnell's cunt.

Posted 2014-07-28T21:40:12+02:00
Get a load of this jerkoff driving slower in the rain. Way to substantially reduce the risk of hydroplaning, you fucking idiot!

Fail(5)
Comment by Anonymous

Your mom got a load of my jerkoff...

Posted 2014-07-28T21:36:13+02:00
Left a box of parrots next to the police station and now they're all under arrest for impersonating officers. My work here is done.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Yeah right, you shoved them in your ass, faggot.

Posted 2014-07-28T21:35:55+02:00
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

There are actually many ppl who do that...

Comment by Anonymous

Answer: Be fat and stupid.

Posted 2014-07-28T01:35:48+02:00
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Since when do bank statements show you blowing your dog?

Posted 2014-07-28T01:05:33+02:00
Forget about my browser history and iPod playlists. When I die, please don't let anyone see what Netflix is suggesting I watch next.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

You don't have any friends, so there is no need to worry about this anyway.


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