Posted 2014-08-27T01:29:11+02:00
Bizarre that someone said, "aren't you all that and a bag of potato chips" and another person was like, "I'm going to start saying that too"

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-08-27T01:23:33+02:00
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing

Posted 2014-08-27T01:23:03+02:00
The best part of professional sports is seeing sad men with their faces painted

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-08-27T01:21:43+02:00
All I'm saying is you don't see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy

Comment by Anonymous

And you can't spell either. Thanks for confirming this status is more truth than fiction.

Comment by Anonymous

I hav a nek tatoo and this post makes no cents at all, ideots!

Comment by Anonymous

12 and they likely had someone read it to them.

Comment by Anonymous

I see 10 people who read this have neck tattoos...

Posted 2014-08-27T01:20:37+02:00
There are more skeletons wearing suits beneath the ground than there are living people.

Posted 2014-08-27T01:19:55+02:00
Arguing with guy at the bar and he claimed Wikipedia was an unreliable source, suggesting instead that I listen to him, a drunk guy at a bar

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

He is probably still smarter than you.

Posted 2014-08-27T01:18:18+02:00
When I asked for a bag at Trader Joe's the cashier sighed like there was a bag shortage and she had a baby that could only eat bags

Posted 2014-08-27T01:15:42+02:00
Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, "Now thats-a spicy meatball!" people will learn not to ask you things.

Posted 2014-08-27T01:15:08+02:00
The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you'd almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Comment by Anonymous

I guess they also believe that dead people can still do things too. Must be democratic voters. They will believe anything.

Comment by Anonymous

v They're referring to the whole myth of "white people stole this land." Which clearly, them and a lot of others are terrible at history and have no idea what the "spoils of war" are.

Comment by Anonymous

Why? What can a bunch of dead indians do to cause anything?

Posted 2014-08-27T01:12:24+02:00
Very nervous to use the bathroom because I ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight

Posted 2014-08-27T01:09:19+02:00
It's not that we're afraid to lose them but afraid to lose ourselves in them.

Posted 2014-08-26T03:51:57+02:00
"Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" "One second. Siri, do you know why this dick pulled me over?"

Posted 2014-08-26T03:50:01+02:00
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?

Comment by Anonymous

Because you're ugly.

Comment by Anonymous

V hope your headache goes away soon, bitch

Comment by Anonymous

Not funny at all

Posted 2014-08-26T03:44:01+02:00
Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?

Posted 2014-08-26T03:43:37+02:00
There's one energy source we'll never run out of: the anger of men under 5'7".

Posted 2014-08-26T03:40:17+02:00
I'll incorrectly string your guitar, EADGAF

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

v No, but you can tune it to F.

Comment by Anonymous

Too bad guitars don't have an F string.

Posted 2014-08-25T04:53:30+02:00
Opposites attract, that's the trouble with being awesome

Posted 2014-08-25T04:49:10+02:00
Couples who sit side by side in a booth, but not because they are in love but because they are sick of each other faces

Posted 2014-08-25T04:31:09+02:00
I don't trust Penguins. I know you can fly you sneaky fucks!

Comment by Anonymous

If your best comment is to use a Jeff Foxworthy bit from over a decade ago then you are (not might be) a fucking loser.

Comment by Anonymous

If your best retort is to dis on somebody's grammar on a stupid website . Then you might be a bit butthurt (in best Jeff Foxworthy voice)

Comment by Anonymous

VV Try buying a few vowels and consonants and learn to spell for next time and you will not look as inbred as you do now. Dropping out after 3rd grade was not your best move.

Comment by Anonymous

that dickwad is mad huh?

Comment by Anonymous

v U don't understand a fucking joke u fucking stinky twat. U shud nvr post here, u cunt.

Comment by Anonymous

You're an idiot. Do us a favor and NEVER post on here again.

Posted 2014-08-25T03:27:07+02:00
Marrying another man is less gay than riding on a Vespa with him.


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