Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Couples who sit side by side in a booth, but not because they are in love but because they are sick of each other faces
I don't trust Penguins. I know you can fly you sneaky fucks!
Marrying another man is less gay than riding on a Vespa with him.
You had me at 0 mutual friends.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
Fear the man wearing velcro strapped sandals, for he has nothing left to lose.
How easily you're offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? God bless you.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don't fucking deserve string cheese.
My mom just learned how to text. And her text to me said "can you hear me?"
I'm a bad motherfucker until I see a puppy.
Blow me like a welfare check.
When it comes to fucking around, I don't fuck around.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally
If a man says you're ugly he's being mean.
If a woman says you're ugly she's envious.
If a little kid says you're ugly, you're ugly.
Good things come to those who wait.
Better things come if you stop fucking around and make shit happen.
In grade school it's called bullying but when you get older it's referred to as upper level management.
Creepy: People who request middle seats on airplanes.
You'd think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Total Number of Statuses:24923
Facebook Addict Intervention Parody