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Posted 2015-01-30T02:47:17+01:00
Starting to think this 30 minute documentary about the amazing Shark vacuum cleaner might be a commercial.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-01-30T02:37:42+01:00
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.

Win(2)
Comment by Anonymous

One became fruit batman.

Comment by Anonymous

or iron man. What is wrong with them?

Posted 2015-01-30T02:37:25+01:00
There's always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go "damn, calm the fuck down!"

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-01-30T02:37:04+01:00
I would unblock you but then I'd be admitting I'd made a mistake and that's just not my thing.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-01-29T19:54:55+01:00
On the internet, you have a better chance of surviving The Oregon Trail than a trip to WebMD!

Epic(2)
Posted 2015-01-29T11:50:58+01:00
A threesome? No thanks, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

And now you just disappointed the whole internet.

Posted 2015-01-28T06:01:28+01:00
In a parallel universe, the internet masturbates to you.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

In a parallel universe, you get beaten mercilessly for posting stuff like this and they broadcast it for all to see and learn from.

Posted 2015-01-28T05:57:38+01:00
Roses are red, violets are purple! They are fucking purple!

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

v Hallmark wants you.... to go kill yourself.

Comment by Anonymous

Roses are red, violets are purple. You might want to go to the Dr cuz I gave you the herple.... herpes I gave you herpes.

Posted 2015-01-28T05:56:52+01:00
So you're saying that "Mario Brothers" implies that Luigi's name is Luigi Mario and Mario's name is Mario Mario?

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

One that has been asked and answered and has no business being on a "status" page. Would be great for the "stupid question stalker" website.

Comment by Anonymous

actually yes this is True. according to the movie Starring John Leguizamo, It's Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. so yeah, this isnt funny but is a legit question.

Comment by Anonymous

So original too.

Comment by Anonymous

Childish humor, if you can even call it humor.

Posted 2015-01-28T05:56:20+01:00
When life gives you lemons. Life probably stole those lemons from some nice old lady. Because life is an asshole.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-01-28T05:52:03+01:00
When you eat dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, you have to make dinosaur roars before eating. Dems the rules

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

*Dems da rulez

Comment by Anonymous

Humor that only a 6yr. old would find funny.

Posted 2015-01-28T05:50:09+01:00
I'm proud to announce that I'm still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don't know we're racing.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-01-28T05:47:15+01:00
We all agree Tom Hanks fucked the shit out of Wilson right?

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

v Next take a few extra minutes and try and have a coherent thought.

Comment by Anonymous

You must be a shit in and a scummy

Comment by Anonymous

v so original.

Comment by Anonymous

uh no ... it's YOUR mom's secret name!

Comment by Anonymous

Who hasn't. Wait, Wilson is your moms nickname right?

Posted 2015-01-28T05:42:29+01:00
Calm the fuck down, people younger than me who have their shit together.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-01-28T05:38:15+01:00
Some are born crazy, some achieve craziness, and some have craziness thrust upon them.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-01-28T05:36:20+01:00
I'm ready to be carried now, Jesus.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Since coming over the border ,Jesus usually only carries diseases but if you can find him in the home depot parking lot he will carry other stuff for cash. Rates for living bodies are cheaper than dead ones too.

Comment by Anonymous

v Too stupid to click the correct button.

Comment by Anonymous

I meant to thumbs down that... Sorry for the false hope

Posted 2015-01-28T05:35:05+01:00
I hate driving someone else's car cause I don't know where they put their boogers.

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-01-28T05:32:16+01:00
It's all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call

Epic(2)
Posted 2015-01-28T05:29:07+01:00
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I guess google knows you like the gay stuff.

Posted 2015-01-28T05:24:31+01:00
Just a bae, just an ordinary bae.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

This bae shit needs to go away forever.

Comment by Anonymous

I just flushed a bae.


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