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Posted 2014-10-27T21:07:46+01:00
People only write "Congrats!" because they can't spell "Congratulations"

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Truth is, people know how to spell "Congratulations". They only write "Congrats!" because it sounds better than "Congratulations". DUH!

Posted 2014-10-27T21:07:21+01:00
The day I see a runner smiling is the day I'll consider it.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Now I know what to do the next time I go on one.

Posted 2014-10-25T23:49:27+02:00
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I'm not beating her.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

So its true she sings when she has sex.

Posted 2014-10-25T23:48:53+02:00
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Your 40...get your own fucking place

Posted 2014-10-24T22:18:49+02:00
I chew 5 gum just to feel at all

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

vvvv Gosh, I love this site.

Comment by Anonymous

I didn't kno there was a brand of gum called "5."

Comment by Anonymous

I know this may be obvious but: I HATE THIS FRICKIN' WEBSIIIIIIITEEE.,0s!KFJIU*!

Posted 2014-10-24T22:17:44+02:00
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor's coupons?

Epic(5)
Comment by Anonymous

v the comment section is meant for very explicit implications of far less melodramatic interpretations of the wannabe coherent collaborative partners.

Comment by Anonymous

Comments on this rule!

Comment by Anonymous

V Your mom has to try and pay people but still gets turned down she so ugly, fat and disgusting.

Comment by Anonymous

Your mom can't take coupons...because she gives it away for free! ---v

Comment by Anonymous

Your mom does.

Posted 2014-10-24T22:08:46+02:00
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I'll get it together eventually but it won't ever feel quite right

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-24T18:59:31+02:00
A head full of fears has no place for dreams

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

An eye full of tears has no place on this website. Well, at least it shouldn't.

Posted 2014-10-24T18:58:14+02:00
Someone just named their son Kale. Probably a baby Quinoa too.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-24T18:57:27+02:00
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-24T05:57:24+02:00
The instructions for my funeral are for someone to come up front at the end and padlock my coffin shut just to freak everyone out.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

v Maybe where he comes from, the people are so stupid they won't know the difference.

Comment by Anonymous

You wrongly assume anyone will come to it and see your not so clever trick.

Posted 2014-10-24T05:55:22+02:00
Go fuck yourself is easily the most solid piece of advice that I can give you.

Funny(5)
Comment by Anonymous

Any comeback in which you are fucking your own mom is generally not considered a win.

Comment by Anonymous

When I'm done fucking yours

Comment by Anonymous

Fucking your mom is so much more fun though. bastard

Posted 2014-10-24T05:54:09+02:00
It's getting harder and harder to tell Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife apart.

Win(4)
Comment by Anonymous

The wife is the one who looks more like a man.

Posted 2014-10-24T05:53:46+02:00
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

cool story guys i hope to hear more

Comment by Anonymous

They have a lot more to apologize for than that....remember the Omni? They still haven't properly atoned for that atrocity. As for PT Cruisers, well, old people seem to like em. Somebody buys those things, anyway. I'll stick with my trusty old Civic for now.

Comment by Anonymous

PT Cruisers rock

Posted 2014-10-24T05:49:29+02:00
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a blowjob each time you act crazy, he'll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

V Interesting you did not correct the 'cuz. But mayB u jus B trollin 2?

Comment by Anonymous

V I'm a guy, I thumbed down 'cuz I trollin'.

Comment by Anonymous

I bet you a dollar to a hundred that all the thumbs down are women!!!! Baaaaahahahaha!!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Best advice EVER!!!!

Posted 2014-10-24T05:47:02+02:00
Making fun of dinosaurs to a paleontologist is a great way to get jurasskicked

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

but you still fucked his mom.

Comment by Anonymous

This joke is a fossil.

Posted 2014-10-24T05:36:15+02:00
My legs are so white they just baked a batch of kale chips.

Fail(2)
Posted 2014-10-24T05:32:54+02:00
Isn't it weird that after 30,000 years of eating bread, everyone is gluten allergic now?

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

and acording to southpark it will make yoru dick fly off lol im not taking any chances

Comment by Anonymous

made up allergy to sell more product and only proves that society has gotten dumber and dumber...

Posted 2014-10-24T05:26:59+02:00
I'm not mad that the Ebola guy went to the Highline, jogged 3 miles, and bowled w/ friends. I'm jealous that he leads a more fulfilling life

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-24T05:25:32+02:00
Relationships are like health insurance: all your preexisting conditions start coming out AFTER you've been approved

Win(2)

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