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Posted 2014-07-21T22:00:58+02:00
I think I'm in love with you but first show me your playlists.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I changed my mind and I just have to tell you now. It's Cher, Elton John, Lady Gaga, Macklemore, Melissa Etheridge, Adam Lambert and anything by George Michael. Also yes, I would swallow his load.

Comment by Anonymous

I'll show you my playlist when you swallow my load.

Posted 2014-07-21T21:59:29+02:00
Your cat thinks of you as a pet.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Nah. Twice... Don't forget the time his face rubbed against his mothers vagina at birth.

Comment by Anonymous

That's the only wet pussy he gets.

Comment by Anonymous

Wet pussy? Tsk tsk.

Comment by Anonymous

Yeah? Well, let's see what he thinks when I drown him.

Posted by Rickyjay 2014-07-21T09:47:18+02:00
I always have a cigarette after sex, I use the other hand of course.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

The one that's in your butt?

Posted 2014-07-21T01:51:51+02:00
1969: America winning space race with the Russians 2014: America keeping up with the Kardashians

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

No one gives a shit about those worthless cunts.

Posted 2014-07-21T01:21:19+02:00
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Isn't it rerouting?

Comment by Anonymous

Except you're too stupid to figure it out.

Posted 2014-07-21T01:20:06+02:00
Hey guys if you're looking to test out a nasty computer virus or some horrible spyware, my mom would gladly open/download/test it for you.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Are you calling your mom a whore?

Posted 2014-07-21T01:16:58+02:00
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

yeah because we all know it's impossible to watch something and post at the same time. Now back to your program already in progress.

Comment by Anonymous

Good. That will keep your stupid ass from posting on the internet.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:24:02+02:00
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, "here, fill this out".

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

yup. they make you try on the outfit to "see if it's comfortable."

Comment by Anonymous

Lmfao guy below me ...I know right

Comment by Anonymous

And maybe this was funny when it was posted 8 years ago.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:16:42+02:00
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

v See if you can blow your dad a few times so he will buy you a sense of humor.

Comment by Anonymous

These guys on the comments, I feel bad for them,,, :(, but I'm happy that at least you get act like you have a pair of balls. It's the closest you get to feeling like "tough guys" even if it's just on the internet.. Good for you.

Comment by Anonymous

Not me. I zip my pants and tell your mom to get the fuck out of my house.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:13:58+02:00
I have my fourth interview with the same company tomorrow. Not sure if I'm a prime candidate for the job or if I'm dating the CEO.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

I knew you fucked dudes, faggot.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:09:53+02:00
Feeling hungry is closest I get to emotions.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Open your mouth, I have some protein for you.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:09:37+02:00
First world problems: I couldn't hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.

Get a Life(1)
22311
Comment by Anonymous

Cunt is a big word for a 12 year old

Comment by Anonymous

vvv *stated ealier

Comment by Anonymous

vv I bet even your mom thinks you're a cunt. As unfunny as the joke is, it's still a joke. In case you've been asleep for the past few years, the "first world problems" jokes that have been going around, have been used in this context. Stop being a fuckin' retarded pussy.

Comment by Anonymous

Holy smokes, serious first-world people! Let's all get angry and philosophical and grammatically technical about a stupid joke. And I say "stupid" in the most politically-correct, non-discriminatory way possible. Get a job, people! Society needs your perfect English. This joke web site does not, particularly.

Comment by Anonymous

This statement is wrong because of context. You know damn good and well that this person was trying to say that living in a first world country means you have enough money to be able to snack and watch tv at the same time while people in economically depressed countries aren't able to do this feat. Like I started earlier these terms have nothing to do with the economic state of that country. And congratulations you caught me in a typo. You're right, I'm not only a retard I take it to a whole new level to be worthy of the title "professor".

Comment by Anonymous

So you have no answer to the question? And the first world knows what a retard is and you are surely one but keep trying to hide behind the oxford dictionary. A retard by any other name still is just as mentally deficient, window licker.

Comment by Anonymous

"Retard" means: to be delayed. "Retarded" means: people who are slow or limited in mental development. Make sure you know the terms you are using before you use them wrong.

Comment by Anonymous

And since the person who wrote this is likely in a country that is or sides with the US this statement is wrong how? Oh, and the word you wanted was any not achy, professor retard

Comment by Anonymous

Let's straighten this out. First world, second world, and third world have nothing to do with the economic state of a country. The terms were coined during the cold war era. First world - the United States and achy country that sided with us. Second world - the ussr and any country that sided with them. Third world- any country that didn't take a side. Make sure you know the terms you are using before you use them wrong and sound like a retard.

Comment by Anonymous

you either have a very quit TV or you eat your chips way to loud.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:07:42+02:00
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

V his dick must've been cutoff at some point..

Comment by Anonymous

anyone who talks about chopping off a dick should burn in hell

Comment by Anonymous

Until the day you have to chop your own dick off for raping the neighbor's cat.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:02:07+02:00
Some people have way more dick in their personality than they do in their pants.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

v I'm not your mother.

Comment by Anonymous

And people like you have more dick in their mouth.....

Comment by Anonymous

Most dudes. Why do you think they're such assholes?

Posted 2014-07-21T00:01:20+02:00
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

v Nah, she liked it after she stopped bleeding and crying.

Comment by Anonymous

I guess you need get get better aim, motherfucker

Comment by Anonymous

I missed your mom's cunt one time and stabbed her right in the chocolate starfish.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:00:51+02:00
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I'd go to hell for.

Epic(1)
Posted 2014-07-20T23:52:48+02:00
Sargasm: the exhilarating feeling you get when the right person understands that you weren't serious and appreciates your joke.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Instead of "the right person" it should be "that ONE person." Other than that, good one.

Posted 2014-07-20T23:51:25+02:00
What idiot called it "hitting the snooze button" and not "clock blocking"?

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Probably the same person that thought getting your fat mother pregnant was a good idea.

Posted 2014-07-20T23:50:18+02:00
I'd rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls' night."

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

If this wasn't written by a homo, I'd be totally surprised.

Posted 2014-07-20T23:46:53+02:00
I feel like landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

v Yeah, blacks and Mexicans. And I was talking about myself, not other people. dip shit.

Comment by Anonymous

V There's also a lot of lazy ass parents who never watch their kids either, dip shit. Your original comment was irrelevant to this post. Oh So sorry, I mocked it. Now go cry yourself a lake, shithead.

Comment by Anonymous

v I'm not as lazy as you animal fuckers, so that's not even an issue, clown.

Comment by Anonymous

Fuck your stupid kids anyway. Better watch them good and not let them play in the damn streets or they're getting run the fuck over too.

Comment by Anonymous

Fuck your stupid animal anyway. Better be leashed, housed or fenced or it's getting run the fuck over.

Comment by Anonymous

landlords cannot discriminate when it comes to renting to families but they can when dealing with a no pet policy


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