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Posted 2014-12-15T05:16:19+01:00
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!

Win(2)
Posted 2014-12-15T05:12:36+01:00
Costco: The most expensive place in the world to save money.

Epic(2)
Posted 2014-12-15T05:12:04+01:00
Don't push me away and then say we drifted apart.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-12-15T05:11:40+01:00
I've been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We'll all be dead soon anyway.

Epic(2)
Posted 2014-12-15T05:05:15+01:00
Normally you're not allowed to sneak down people's chimneys but there's a Santa clause in the law

Funny(4)
Posted 2014-12-15T05:04:53+01:00
Guys just want a slutty innocent virgin and girls just want an attentive, aloof, nice, bad guy.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-12-13T08:14:36+01:00
My favorite typo is when I leave a whole entire out.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-12-13T08:12:07+01:00
I just gotta believe that as a species we're capable of making an automatic hand dryer that's quieter than an airplane.

Win(2)
Comment by Anonymous

That sound means it's the shy but loud sh*tters time to shine

Posted 2014-12-13T07:58:37+01:00
God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way more money.

Epic(3)
Posted 2014-12-13T07:56:33+01:00
Man: You look pretty today. Woman: Did I look bad yesterday? It was my hair wasn't it? You think I'm fat.

Funny(7)
Posted 2014-12-13T07:55:30+01:00
Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook.

Funny(7)
Comment by Anonymous

and yet he is a billionaire and you're not

Posted 2014-12-13T07:53:46+01:00
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.

Funny(5)
Posted 2014-12-13T07:51:18+01:00
I can't even begin to tell you how many times in my life to date people have told me that I use too many unnecessary words to convey an idea

Win(2)
Posted 2014-12-11T21:50:38+01:00
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I'm not getting nearly enough of either.

Funny(3)
Posted 2014-12-11T21:41:56+01:00
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.

Win(3)
Posted 2014-12-11T21:37:28+01:00
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It's still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.

Funny(3)
Posted 2014-12-11T21:37:07+01:00
Dad is it true that in some African Countries that a man doesnt really know his wife until he marries her? Son that's true in every country.

Epic(1)
Posted 2014-12-11T21:36:45+01:00
What is so special about a person who wouldn't harm a fly? Show me a person who wouldn't harm a mosquito. Then we'll talk.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-12-11T21:36:07+01:00
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-12-11T21:34:41+01:00
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.

Epic(3)

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