Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
I don't get it. EVERYTHING we do is for money. Why does society condemn it for sex? DAD: Um, okay. Maybe someone ELSE wants to say grace?
Let's drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Arguing with a troll online is like trying to teach a goat to drive. No one's happy & your car is ruined & it's still a goat.
Everyone has fitness goals and I'm over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
I'm starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
I'm not wearing any underwear, because you never put the fucking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they've been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what's really going on
I tried being modest once, as expected I was fucking amazing at it.
DO YOU EVEN SHIFT BRO?
Siri, where do babies come from?
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
Super Mario Bros before hoes.
I'm confident but not old dude in the gym changing room confident.
I act like Pacman at parties.
I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Calm the fuck down guy with the Ed Hardy steering wheel cover, save some pussy for the rest of us.
FOX NEWS: NO NEW EBOLA VICTIMS IS CONCRETE PROOF OBAMA IS COVERING UP NEW EBOLA VICTIMS
I made a ton of huge mistakes at work today, but hey; that's all part of being a tattoo artist.
I want to commit the perfect murder but I'm worried it might be too late to establish a career in sports.
Everyday you're hustlin? EVERY day? Settle down Rick Ross. Everybody takes a day off here and there.
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