Status Stalker – Funny Facebook Status Updates

Posted 2013-05-21T21:46:04+02:00

Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.

Get a Life(2)

10 6 1

Comment by Anonymous

Really? I thought it was fucking her sister...

Posted 2013-05-21T21:35:00+02:00

Mosquitoes: giving you a reason to slap people in the face since the start of mankind.

Get a Life(3)

7 9 0

Posted 2013-05-21T21:21:51+02:00

Didn't wake up in a new Bugatti. Tomorrows a new day though. Never lose faith. Never give up.

Get a Life(2)

4 18 0

Posted 2013-05-21T21:20:06+02:00

My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me. Assholes

Funny(4)

32 3 0

Posted 2013-05-21T21:17:59+02:00

Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't.

Get a Life(2)

9 3 0

Posted 2013-05-21T21:05:08+02:00

Every time you hear a Pitbull song, you lose 2 days off your life expectancy.

Get a Life(2)

5 6 0

Posted 2013-05-21T20:13:19+02:00

Be more spontaneous, combust.

Get a Life(2)

7 7 0

Posted 2013-05-21T19:59:22+02:00

I've been waiting to say "Xbox, Show Fantasy" my entire life, but fantasy sports wasn't what I had in mind.

Get a Life(2)

1 7 0

Posted 2013-05-21T19:58:20+02:00

This world is not going to make any progress until we stop perpetuating the belief that "paper" beats "rock."

Funny(2)

8 2 0

Posted 2013-05-21T19:46:11+02:00

This XBox One demo should also explain how to best quit your job, break up with your girlfriend and heal bedsores.

Epic(2)

9 5 0

Posted 2013-05-21T19:43:29+02:00

SLEEP IN OR DIE TRYING

Fail(3)

2 6 0

Posted 2013-05-21T19:31:54+02:00

If you are ever having trouble on a test, just write "Jesus"� for the answer because Jesus is always the answer.

Epic(3)

15 19 2

Comment by Anonymous

VV bitter much? so much venom for something that you say does not exist. Do you get that mad about ghost or big foot hunters too? I personally am pissed about kids that believe in the tooth fairy because that really ruins my life

Comment by Anonymous

Fucking stupid! Who the fuck is jesus? Oh ya, Oh ya, he's the dude that everyone prays to AFTER a tragedy. Where was your "jesus" before the tragedy? Oh ya, he was planning the tragedy that everyone would pray for afterwards. People are fucked up that believe in god!!

Posted 2013-05-21T19:30:26+02:00

Condoms aren't great for the environment but neither are people.

Funny(1)

6 1 0

Posted 2013-05-21T19:29:29+02:00

FUN FACT: Only one word in the English language is ever pronounced correctly, and that word is correctly.

Funny(1)

3 8 1

Comment by Anonymous

OLD.

Posted 2013-05-21T19:26:56+02:00

People who don't eat a slice of cheese every time they open their fridge are probably serial killers.