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Posted 2015-04-18T04:30:39+02:00
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-04-18T04:27:05+02:00
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze...with a mouthful of rice.

Win(1)
Posted 2015-04-18T04:26:15+02:00
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-04-18T04:23:17+02:00
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-04-18T04:21:08+02:00
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-04-18T03:54:52+02:00
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-04-18T03:44:12+02:00
Some days "solitary confinement" sounds more like paradise than like punishment.

Win(2)
Posted 2015-04-18T03:43:34+02:00
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-04-18T00:24:58+02:00
"I'll see you in hell" should be followed with "and I won't even stop to say hi". Otherwise you're just making plans with someone you hate

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-04-17T22:48:14+02:00
A woman was removed from a SWA flight after she stabbed her snoring neighbor with a pen. Great, now they're gonna take away our pens.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-04-17T22:40:01+02:00
I like the parts of the day when food happens.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-04-17T22:39:31+02:00
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-04-17T22:38:42+02:00
The amount of people who mix up "to" and "too" is amazing two me.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

two times too equals fore.

Posted 2015-04-16T06:37:49+02:00
"You really couldn't have called at a worse time." -How I want to answer every phone call

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I just enjoy faing likes, dislikes, and rates. vvvvvvvvvvvv

Posted 2015-04-16T06:36:08+02:00
The most exciting part of first dates is when you both act like you didn't thoroughly research each other on the internet

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-04-16T06:34:55+02:00
If you want to be in an exciting car chase, just order an Uber, get in, and then on the way to your destination, order another Uber

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2015-04-16T06:31:23+02:00
If a potential employer asks why you lost your last job, take a breath, look them in the eye, and say you got too close to the truth

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-04-16T06:28:20+02:00
Do you struggle with rational thinking and basic literacy? Let us know in the comments below

Epic(4)
Posted 2015-04-16T06:27:13+02:00
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-04-16T06:24:38+02:00
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn't be allowed to talk

Get a Life(1)

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