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Posted 2015-08-30T19:57:27+02:00
"I just launched a new fragrance" is the way I announce a fart.

-1(0)
Posted 2015-08-30T03:00:31+02:00
I'm socially conservative but fiscally liberal. I give money to homeless people but they'd better hate themselves for taking it.

-1(0)
Posted 2015-08-30T02:58:51+02:00
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.

-1(0)
Posted 2015-08-29T03:04:25+02:00
Don't worry about the grass on the other side. It's not your grass.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

It could be if I decided to take it.

Posted 2015-08-29T03:04:10+02:00
Politics is just unhappy people shouting at each other.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

And bring money!

Comment by Anonymous

The fools who don't concern themselves with politics are mere lemmings with senseless indifference accepting whatever leader is in control and mindlessly adhering to whatever is decided to be best for them. Get educated and get involved.

Posted 2015-08-29T03:03:37+02:00
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don't know where I belong.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-08-29T03:02:21+02:00
Damn, girl, are you Terms and Conditions? Because I just want to blindly agree to whatever you say.

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-08-29T02:59:22+02:00
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt was shot dead by police in downtown Los Angeles, today. He was wanted for multiple counts of identity theft.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-08-29T02:54:36+02:00
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion is like what the hell am i doing here I'm a savanna animal

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-08-29T02:50:22+02:00
Palin interviewing Trump tonight? At least he can tell her where Russia is since that's where he orders his wives from

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Trump scares the hell out of the Liberal/Democrat idiots... HHAHAHAHA... I hope he gets elected president and forces people to leave the U.S.... like all the illegals and those Liberal/Democrat morons. Now that is Change I can believe in....

Comment by Anonymous

Hillary is shit.

Comment by Anonymous

Trump is an asshole

Comment by Anonymous

Trump and Palin are scum.

Comment by Anonymous

You're a fucking idiot!!!

Posted 2015-08-29T02:49:21+02:00
No thanks, public transportation. If I'm going to catch an STD, I'm catching it the old fashioned way.

Fail(1)
Posted by Biggsswayze 2015-08-28T19:28:16+02:00
Some girls post the most depressing love shit that even I'm starting to miss their ex!!!

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-08-27T00:31:19+02:00
People say 'hate' is such a strong word, yet they throw around 'love' like it's nothing

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-08-25T06:38:10+02:00
Plot twist: He only puts in the tip as promised.

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-08-25T06:34:29+02:00
I can't remember who I was or how my life became such a mess either, so I get it, Jason Bourne, I get it.

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-08-25T06:25:28+02:00
When you're married, the "Walk of Shame" is shuffling to the hall closet with your pants around your ankles to get more toilet paper.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-08-25T06:22:40+02:00
The stock market dropping sets back my retirement plans another 100 years

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Can't act like an adult can you? ⤵

Comment by Anonymous

Only if you were stupid and sold when it was down.

Posted 2015-08-25T06:18:30+02:00
In the future, time on earth will be marked off by Spider-Man reboots, Transformer sequels, and Comedy Central Roasts.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-08-25T06:14:40+02:00
I'm really sick of underwear and responsibility

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-08-25T06:02:44+02:00
It's not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.

Get a Life(2)

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