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Posted 2014-08-20T18:50:21+02:00
Bless me Father for I hit send.

Epic(1)
Posted 2014-08-20T18:48:45+02:00
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-08-19T21:56:06+02:00
Being a Zombie doesn't sound that bad. You don't have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-08-19T21:54:26+02:00
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-08-19T21:46:44+02:00
Hey guys flexin on Instagram, you cried when Bambi's mother died, just like the rest of us. Remember where you came from.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

v That hurts, coming from a fuckin' retard like yourself. Ha ha.

Comment by Anonymous

No one wants to hurt your feelings cupcake. You are, after all, the resident douchebag of Status stalker.

Comment by Anonymous

v Perhaps if you made more sense, you might have hurt my feelings.

Comment by Anonymous

V Premature ejaculator. Could not even wait till he got home to fuck his mom.

Comment by Anonymous

I came in my pants when Bambi's mother died.

Posted 2014-08-19T20:18:10+02:00
I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

vv Sorry, forgot the quotes around "they." : )

Comment by Anonymous

This status is played out. This makes the 4th time it was posted just like your moms number

Comment by Anonymous

They doesn't? Lol

Comment by Anonymous

v Lol, I'll go 50/50 with you on this... They doesn't specify how many, but it could very well have been three. : )

Comment by Anonymous

V No.. Slow down and read it again pumpkin :)

Comment by Anonymous

It took 3 people to carry you?.. Fat bitch.

Posted 2014-08-19T20:14:49+02:00
Only a fool trips on what's behind him.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-08-19T20:12:39+02:00
If your single and you know it pet your cat.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

But I don't have a single...

Posted 2014-08-19T20:07:54+02:00
I was 3 yrs old when my mom was diagnosed with my brother.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

v If I'm out banging everyone's mother, I wouldn't have time for porn, now would I? ; )

Comment by Anonymous

v your thought process is so disturbing and you seem a bit obsessed with having sex with everyone's mother. maybe you need to cut down on the porn and get outside for some fresh air.

Comment by Anonymous

How ironic... You were 3 years old when I deposited a load into your mother's fat snatch.

Posted 2014-08-19T20:02:53+02:00
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

They call your mom Bigfoot because she can fit a size 14 boot in her cunt.

Posted 2014-08-19T20:00:23+02:00
Step up in the club like, wait I gotta check-in and tag us in Facebook

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Check-in with your mom? Bitch.

Posted 2014-08-18T21:24:57+02:00
Damn girl are you Internet Explorer? Cause you're not responding

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Damn boy, are you a regular poster to SS? Cause you are unfunny as fuck.

Posted 2014-08-18T21:22:50+02:00
I go $100 to $0 homie real quick.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Yes, so please keep working hard so I can get mo money.

Comment by Anonymous

Those welfare checks sure do go fast huh?

Comment by Anonymous

Fucking illiterate urban fucks. Why don't they ever die faster?

Comment by Anonymous

I just lost every IQ point I thought I had

Posted 2014-08-18T21:17:04+02:00
I think the creators of Grand Theft Auto vastly underestimated the amount of drivers wearing their seat belts when you're out hijacking cars

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-08-18T20:57:16+02:00
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don't really care if you don't have any pizza.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

And just like real life, I am sure you eat your pizza alone all the time but you eat it with your other hand sometimes for variety.

Posted 2014-08-18T20:49:55+02:00
If you tell a cop you're sad, he legally has to hug you.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Except in MO.

Posted 2014-08-18T20:41:53+02:00
Do you even lift...your hands to the heavens in praise of our lord and savior bro?

Get a Life(4)
Comment by Anonymous

He cares about the person saying it and what they perceive HIM to be. It breaks my heart some refuse to accept the love of Christ.

Comment by Anonymous

Why would a God care what is being said on the Internet about him?

Comment by Anonymous

V Let me know how that works out for you.

Comment by Anonymous

our lord and saviour, Satan

Comment by Anonymous

VV Like I care about the opinion of someone too stupid to figure out where the caps lock key is, asshat.

Comment by Anonymous

He loves you anyways vvvvv

Comment by Anonymous

GET THIS CLOSED MINDED BRAIN WASHED MENTALITY OFF OF MY STATUS STALKER! I'M HERE TO LAUGH. JESUS WILL BE HERE RIGHT AFTER SANTA CLAUS SHOWS UP.

Posted 2014-08-18T20:40:32+02:00
Am I the only one who thinks the Pringles guy and Monopoly guy are related?

Epic(3)
Posted 2014-08-18T01:13:46+02:00
For some reason it's a lot easier to pick the lock on a safe if you're wearing a tuxedo

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-08-18T01:01:48+02:00
I'm at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for

Funny(3)

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