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Posted 2014-11-24T23:34:23+01:00
You're not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you're an asshole.

-1(0)
Posted 2014-11-24T23:33:04+01:00
If I were Noah, I'd be like, fuck the earth I'm gonna keep this boat full of animals and pet them forever.

Fail(1)
Posted 2014-11-24T21:22:45+01:00
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.

-1(0)
Posted 2014-11-24T04:40:10+01:00
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life's mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-24T04:37:33+01:00
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Well the poster did admit they are too stupid to even remember the alphabet so what do you expect. The real problem is the monkeys approving the same status over and over. I wonder what the ones they reject look like.

Comment by Anonymous

we should do the same with your comment

Comment by Anonymous

I think these statuses all need to be numbered, so when these repeats pop up, we can point where the repeats are.

Posted 2014-11-24T04:35:43+01:00
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-24T04:22:07+01:00
It's not called "Laura the Explorer" because if a little white girl gets lost in the woods, CNN shows up with the FBI.

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Because CNN is so good at finding things.. cough cough the plane... cough

Posted 2014-11-24T04:14:11+01:00
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

And box of chocolates

Posted 2014-11-24T04:08:16+01:00
A credit score but based on how you treat people.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Isn't that after one dies?

Comment by Anonymous

yours would be very low

Posted 2014-11-24T03:38:24+01:00
Everything I know about Californian geography I learned from Tupac's songs

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-11-23T23:17:21+01:00
Very excited to announce I'm on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable

Win(2)
Posted 2014-11-23T20:28:33+01:00
Take viagra for a sunburn. It won't cure it but it will keep the sheets off of your legs at night.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

To make it simpler, in the future lets call your comment number 1.

Comment by Anonymous

I think these statuses all need to be numbered, so when these repeats pop up, we can point where the repeats are.

Comment by Anonymous

Awesome joke in the dead of winter, Bro

Comment by Anonymous

That's what your Mom said! !

Comment by Anonymous

#JokesAsOldAsTheInternet

Posted 2014-11-21T01:56:40+01:00
Being a male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of age, but being a gentleman is a matter of choice.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-11-21T01:54:48+01:00
Don't just tell her she is beautiful, make her believe it. Then slap her ass and tell her to keep up the good fucking work.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Aww dad but your daughters are so good in bed.

Comment by Anonymous

you piece of garbage. anyone who thinks of my kids thaat...i would correct.

Posted 2014-11-21T01:53:10+01:00
Don't judge me, Sir. You wouldn't know I was texting and driving if your eyes were on the road. Like they're supposed to be.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-11-21T01:46:51+01:00
What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-11-21T01:46:34+01:00
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won't have to talk to them.

Win(2)
Posted 2014-11-20T19:03:30+01:00
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I hate that people are giving you likes.

Posted 2014-11-20T04:16:49+01:00
That awkward moment when someone else on your friends list uses status stalker and steals all the good status's before you have the chance to.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

The guy on my friends list posts like 5 in a row. Slow down bro spread the love

Comment by Anonymous

I hope this chick below me isn't my facebook friend. -J

Comment by Anonymous

I always have to check this one guy's profile first cuz we have posted the same SS before

Posted 2014-11-20T02:39:01+01:00
What's worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?

Funny(2)

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